Last weekend I went to a workshop at the amazing Witches Revival (more on this to come!) all about standing in your power and authenticity.
As part of the workshop, a small number of people had the opportunity to volunteer and go on stage and 1) be witnessed by the audience silently for a minute and 2) read a poem you had been given, or give some other short “performance”, e.g. sing, dance, read your own writing etc…
I was SO PROUD of myself as I volunteered and got on stage and thus was witnessed by the crowd (40-50 people?) and performed a short piece.
If you saw me on the stage, you would have thought I was pretty confident – there were no tears, no nausea, no quiet voice and no deep breathing needed as there was for some other brave volunteers.
I was in fact loud, proud and prancing around 
And actually it felt really good to be there. To be seen and take up space.
And actually it felt really good to be there. To be seen and take up space.
But oh boy, I felt the fear beforehand. I was afraid of being judged. The voice in my head was determined to hold me back and keep my butt stuck to the chair and my volunteering arm glued to my side.
But I did it anyway.
So I thought I’d share an insight into what went through my head as I went through this process.
See my inner monologue below!
I hope this makes you laugh/feel more normal/motivates you to do something brave.
I MUST put my hand up and volunteer, I promised myself I would be courageous.
…….
I MUST put my hand up and volunteer, I promised myself I would be courageous.
Oh no! The lady next to me REALLY looks desperate to volunteer. I don’t want to take up a place and then she’ll be left out. I’ll keep my hand down for now.
I have no idea what I could perform. I don’t really connect with these poems I’ve been given. I’m definitely not going to sing without music and literally the only thing I have ever memorised is a speech from Roald Dahl’s “The Witches”.
If I perform that, is it going to be too much? Will everyone think it’s either sh*t (I’ve actually never performed it before and the last time I even recalled it was years ago) OR I’m some showy offy actor.
I’m also wearing my Goddess as F**k t-shirt too. Is that too much?
Shut up Alison, I came here to be courageous and have fun. I came here to express myself. This is myself.
No way, I just realised that the speech is from The Witches and this is the Witches Revival. Well, I’ve definitely got to do it now.
Okay the lady next to me just had her turn volunteering, so now I can’t take up her place. We’re running out of time. No excuse. Put your goddamn hand up Alison…. GO!!
*Puts hand up*
Ohhhhhhh Crap! I’ve been selected! Now I’ve actually got to get on stage to do it.
Go big or go home right?!
Right?!?!?!?!
…I’ll bring the poem just in case I chicken out.
……
Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
If you’re looking to do something bold, then you’ll probably feel the fear too. But that’s not a reason to NOT do it. You have to act despite it feeling awful, cringe and gross.
You’ll do it and it will either be great, or it will be cringe and gross, but the important thing is YOU DID IT. You showed up. You were brave and THAT is what matters.
NOW GO DO THAT THING!
